Time will always come when you feel down and you can’t do anything but to wait for the sun to rise. Why wait when you can just say stop and feel high? Human as we are, no matter how high-spirited we are, we will always feel tired and would long for a break. When would this dilemma end? How will this end? I’ve asked myself.
I’ve been in those darker days where I just browse my blog and watch my old vlogs because of missing something. That something where I feel the freedom and joy of life, that something that makes you worry nothing, and all that something that would let you say, “thank you God for the good life!”
Recently, I’ve been undergoing into one of my toughest challenges in life that could trigger into even something more dangerous – or should I say, life-threatening. And I’m tired of feeling the intermittent excruciating pain inside my body. It’s like something is being pierced and pinched inside my lower abdomen and back. Sometimes I can’t work and even sleep well because of what I’m feeling. There are times that I lose my appetite and feel sick but I have no choice but to complete my meals because of my medication. Sometimes, I feel tired of rushing to the restroom and releasing what’s needed to be released. It hurts so bad that I want to stomach sleep so that I could get some rest.
But sometimes the pain is bearable that I could still get the chance, at least once in a while, to become what I want and being able to go to the mountains and breathe the fresh air and feel nature’s healing and it was very worth the risk. I thought that I can’t make it, but thank God I was able to manage the pain as if nothing’s happening inside.
Now I’m stuck again in this cycle – stress, pain, and meds and I just want it to end. And I wish to become the me that I used to be, just like a mighty eagle that soars high above the skies and I can’t wait for that moment to come.
I’m not okay but I’m gonna be fine.